What If There's Bears?

WILL HINES - 917 721 1138 / whines@gmail.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loyuW_nYGIc

FADE UP on BEN, who addresses the camera while changing a light switch panel.

BEN

(smiling and friendly)

Okay, when you're installing a dimmer switch, just make sure the power's off before you start -- that guarantees you won't hurt your room's wiring or yourself. Then it's a simple matter of removing the face plate here and taking out the old switch. All you need is a screwdriver and ten minutes and you're done.

CUT TO a close-up on BEN. Dramatic eerie music plays.

BEN

(urgently, fearful)

But what if there's bears? A bear is a large, powerful animal that could easily overpower you if it attacks.

Silent, translucent footage of a roaring bear appears over BEN.

BEN

If there's bears while you're installing your dimmer switch, your best bet is to make noise, perhaps by bustling papers or stomping the floor.

INSERT SHOTS: BEN stomping on the floor / rustling papers.

CUT BACK TO a close-up of BEN.

BEN

If the bear attacks, your chances of surviving are slim. Its thick arm and vice-like jaw will tear you apart.

FADE OUT on BEN. MUSIC fades.

FADE UP on NEIL, who addresses the camera while working on the back of computer.

NEIL

(cheery)

Setting up a home computer network is surprisingly easy. All you need to do is visit your local electronics store and pick up several ethernet cables. Look on the back of your computer and you should see an ethernet port. Just plug one end of the cable into that port and the other into a hub or router. Then get ready to share: files, music -- even your internet connection.

CUT TO a close-up on NEIL. Dramatic eerie music plays.

NEIL

(urgent)

But what if there's bears? Although outwardly shy, a bear's inner nature is vengeful and petty. It may set its cold and primitive gaze on you for no discernible reason.

Silent, translucent footage of a roaring bear appears over NEIL.

NEIL

Making noise will likely have no effect, it may just remind the bear why it targeted you in the first place. Your best bet is to take out your bear spray and aim directly for its face.

INSERT SHOTS: Can marked "BEAR SPRAY" /  NEIL spraying can.

CUT BACK TO a close-up of NEIL.

NEIL

You should have already practiced taking out your bear spray and during safer times. You must move quickly.

FADE OUT of NEIL. MUSIC fades.

FADE UP on MOLLY, who is plunging a French Press full of coffee.

MOLLY

(cheery)

...Just let it steep for 4-6 minutes, and that's the secret to making a perfect cup of coffee.

CUT TO a close-up on MOLLY. Dramatic eerie music plays.

MOLLY

(urgent)

But what if there's bears? If there's bears while you're making coffee there is almost nothing you can do. A bear's soul is too primitive to have evolved a sense of right or wrong. It seeks only to hunt and devour.

Silent, translucent footage of a roaring bear appears over MOLLY.

MOLLY

Bear spray will do nothing to quell its natural thirst for destruction. Your best bet? Close your eyes and make peace with your maker.

INSERT SHOT: MOLLY on her knees, praying with her eyes shut.

CUT BACK TO: close-up of MOLLY.

MOLLY

If the Gods are with you, the end will be quick.

FADE OUT.

TITLE CARD: A HOME REPAIR INC. PRODUCTION

TITLE CARD: OUR FOUNDER WAS KILLED BY A BEAR