WHICH PET
A MAN approaches a PET STORE OWNER.
MAN
Yo get me a pet.
PET STORE OWNER
How about a cat sir?
MAN
Nah, that shit'll make me look too gay.
PET STORE OWNER
Dog?
MAN
No way, I'll look like I'm trying to prove I'm a man too
much. Next!
PET STORE OWNER
Fish.
MAN
I'll look power hungry.
PET STORE OWNER
Bird?
MAN
What am I, 100?
PET STORE OWNER
Hamster
MAN
I'm no pervert and I am also not a child.
PET STORE OWNER
Pot-bellied pig?
MAN
Do I look like a yuppie woman from 1992?
PET STORE OWNER
Snake?
MAN
Am I a Biblical metaphor?
PET STORE OWNER
Ant farm.
MAN
Excuse me, I am not a scientist. I want a pet.
PET STORE OWNER
There's only one more pet I have to offer.
MAN
What is that?
PET STORE OWNER
Man.
MAN
Man?
PET STORE OWNER
The only pet I have to offer you is a human being.
MAN
I'll take it. How often do I have to feed it?
BLACKOUT