HAPPY TONE, SAD WORDS
A PERKY WOMAN sits at the receptionist's desk. A MAN
approaches.
MAN
Hello, Jean.
PERKY WOMAN
Hi Jerry!
MAN
I have to step out, would you mind taking any messages?
PERKY WOMAN
I wouldn't mind at all!
MAN
Great, thanks. Do I look okay?
PERKY WOMAN
You look great!
MAN
You can be honest.
PERKY WOMAN
You look ... old!
MAN
Come again?
PERKY WOMAN
You look really old! You look like you've been sad for a long
time, or maybe that you live in a room filled with smoke!
MAN
Smoke?
PERKY WOMAN
Yeah! Like you're jaundiced!
MAN
I guess I could use some sun.
PERKY WOMAN
It wouldn't really matter! You carry with you an aura of
sadness!
MAN
Wow.
PERKY WOMAN
Uh huh!
MAN stares.
PERKY WOMAN
Your teeth look broken!
PERKY WOMAN
You've got a fat belly!
PERKY WOMAN
You slouch like someone who's given up!
PERKY WOMAN
Your shoes are ridiculous!
PERKY WOMAN
Sometimes I catch you looking at my boobs, but I feel sorry
for you so I just let it happen!
PERKY WOMAN
You're not manly enough to be a threat!
PERKY WOMAN
You smell like ass! And decay!
PERKY WOMAN
You look like someone who's never gotten what he wanted out
of life, but he's learned to live with it!
PERKY WOMAN
You smile like a rapist!
PERKY WOMAN
You dress like you've had a stroke!
PERKY WOMAN
You eat like a deranged monkey!
MAN
Okay, you can stop being honest now.
PERKY WOMAN
Have a good day!