SUPERMAN IS A JOURNALIST

CITIZENS gather in a METROPOLIS square.

CITIZEN 1

Lex Luthor has taken over control of the bank!

CITIZEN 2

That scoundrel! How'd he do it?

CITIZEN 1

He's got a laser pointed at the moon.

CITIZEN 3

Wait! Look! Up in the sky!

CITIZEN 1

It's a bird!

CITIZEN 2

It's a plain!

CITIZEN 3

It's a journalist!

SUPERMAN lands.

SUPERMAN

Did someone call for Superman? Wait, what did you guys say?

CITIZEN 1

We said "journalist." You're not just SUperman, you're also Clark Kent, right?

SUPERMAN

Yeah. Yeah, I gave up my secret identity, that's true.

CITIZEN 2

Which means you're not just SUperman, but Clark Kent, journalist!

CITIZEN 3

You can get in there an accurately document Lex Luthor's manipulations of this bank!

SUPERMAN

I'm just going to, you know, like, beat him up. Until he gives up.

CITIZEN 1

Well, that's a short term solution.

CITIZEN 2

Sure, you beat him up today, put him jail. Then his lawyer gets him out in 3 months and he's back on the street.

CITIZEN 3

You need to document how he gets his radioactive fuel for his laser!

CITIZEN 1

Yeah, no way that's through legal channels!

CHANNEL 2

Shut him down, journalist!

CITIZEN 3

THe fourth estate! Here to save us again!

SUPERMAN

I guess I'm a pretty good writer.

CITIZEN 1

The best! Your expose of Metropolis' zoning commission helped save the parks!

SUPERMAN

You're right! I'm gonna go in that bank and research the crap of that laser!

CITIZEN 1, CITIZEN 2, CITIZEN 3

Hooray!

BATMAN enters.

BATMAN

Any way I can help?

CITIZEN 1, CITIZEN 2, CITIZEN 3

Look! A philanthropist!

You know.