LET ME GUESS

BOSS approaches EMPLOYEE at the latter's cubicle.

BOSS

Jim, I've got bad news.

EMPLOYEE

Ooh! Let me guess. I'm great at guessing!

BOSS

I should just tell you. It's about your job.

EMPLOYEE

No more clues! Ok, about my job. Does this involve how awesome my suits are?

BOSS

It does not. Look, let me just tell you...

EMPLOYEE

(waves that off)

Ah! Ah! Um, is it about how I have been bringing in lunch from home and cooking it here and how great I am for that?

BOSS

No. It's about the existence, or not, of your current job...

EMPLOYEE

Shh! Shh! You're ruining this! Does your news involve the word "marathon?"

BOSS

No! Look, ask me about the recent quarter, and how little money we made as a company.

EMPLOYEE

That's not a yes or no question! Here's a yes or no question: "Does your news involve me doing more puppet shows?"

BOSS

No. Look, ask a question about whether or not you are fired.

EMPLOYEE

That sounds like a shot in the dark. Waste of a question. How about "Does the announcement involve an animal or mineral?"

BOSS

I don't know. Look Jim, the market has taken a beating...

EMPLOYEE

DOES THE ANNOUNCEMENT INVOLVE AN ANIMAL OR MINERAL?

BOSS

You're fired, Jim! You're fired. You're a fine worker but we have to make cutbacks and you were the most recently hired, and so you're the first to go. I'm sorry. Today is your last day.

EMPLOYEE

Wow.

BOSS

Yes, I'm sorry. It's not just you. Bill was also fired.

EMPLOYEE

How many questions did it take Bill?

BILL pops over the cubicle. He has sock puppets on his hands.

BILL

Five!

BLACKOUT