Spite Hate Mail:
 June 2, 1998

Regarding Rejection

(Editor's Note: Our first letter comes from a long-time reader, who sent a poem after reading Jill's rejection piece -- about rejecting the last man on earth, literally.)

Blue Saucer
by Matthew Ridge

Blue saucer, the one you gave me
It collect the pencil shavings when I write you poetry.
The big blue cup broke, a victim of the kitchen floor.
Sort of like my heart when you said not to call anymore.

So now I write these bitter lines
which matches the ... bitter heart of mine.
sorry this angry verse was aimed your way.
Unlike your love which went astray.

So how is that man of your choosing?
He's very sweet after he's been boozing.
I hate to joke, about this I shouldn't tease
but I hear he gave you, venereal disease.

I know, I know I shouldn't pander,
but I can't help teasing you Ms. Philander.
So remember, what you wanted is what you got
when you go in for your penicillin shot.

But after all this, what is most pathetic of all
Is I would take you back if you said I can call.

Anger, cheap shots, with a hint of self-loathing: what's not to love? It should be noted that Matthew not only rhymes "philander", but he sticks to the classic Shakesperean sonnet form! I almost thought that Spite was finally attracting intelligent readers, until I read the next letter. -ed.
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