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I'm mad enough to goddamned blow someone's head off.
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Maybe I'll pop 'em with that gun I always carry. Or the rocket launcher on the front of the Ferrari. I'll take on those bastards myself and when everyone sees just how bad they really were, I'll get a medal, a promotion, and have sex within the hour.
You'll have to excuse me. I just finished watching The Relic, the ten thousandth guy movie I've seen in the past year. The vast majority of the speaking roles belonged to men, most of whom carried guns, some of whom fired guns, and a handful of whom had their heads ripped off by a mutated colleague. To be fair, one woman had her head ripped off too -- ah, liberation -- but most just ran around in low-cut cocktail dresses and screamed a lot.
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And this wasn't even that bad, as guy movies go. The main character is a young (incredibly beautiful) female scientist who ends up (violently) killing the monster using only her wits (and a homemade bomb). She only runs around in a revealing cocktail dress for maybe three quarters of the movie, and when she strips, she gets to keep her bra. Also, she doesn't have sex with the male lead. This is a far cry from the bad old days, like in Top Gun, in which they slapped two PhDs on the female lead (are there any women in this country with two PhDs? Does anyone in Hollywood know what it takes to get one PhD?) but introduced her with a slow pan up her (incredibly beautiful) legs and hustled her into bed with Tom Cruise faster than the speed of sound.
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I'm tired of watching male-oriented movies in which women are eye candy and people die violently. Maybe it's just me, but in my experience, violent death doesn't play a large part in the way real life works. I'd like to see more movies that reflect themes of real life, and that make me think and feel a little -- movies about social issues, like Broadcast News; movies about logic and science, like 2001: A Space Odyssey; movies that spoof other peoples tedious melodrama, like Airplane!; or movies about relationships, like Swingers.
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Notice I am not arguing for more overtly feminine movies. I realize that as much as I hate living in a man's world, it's just as painful for a man to be forced to live with floral borders on his walls, hair scrunchies on his stick shift, and stuffed animals in his bed. I found The Truth About Cats and Dogs and Dirty Dancing just as nauseating as the aforementioned decapitations.
What I'd like is to be able to turn on cable without having to choose between a Steven Seagal movie, Baywatch, and a documentary about tanks. I'm tired of the brutish, subeducated crap Hollywood markets to men and asks women to tolerate. Until I run across some intelligent, insightful, and gender-neutral fare it's Hasta la vista, baby to the chauvinist morons who think they know what I'm willing to watch.
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