 A 500-Word Rant |
Eye of the Tired A 500-Word Rant by Kevin Hines |
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In most Internet publications, "rant" is a shallow buzzword meaning "hip editorial column." Not here. A rant in Spite Magazine is just that: a short, emotional, and irrational outburst. We want them to remind you of the way you sound right after you stub your toe for the second time in one day, discover that your car has been towed, or hear your parents are getting a divorce. Rants in Spite Magazine are exactly 500 words long, stopping in mid-sentence if necessary. |
I am writing this in pain. My body is exhausted and every muscle aches. I have just finished working out. I left the fitness center after being approached by one of the other members who exclaimed, "Doesn't working out make you feel good?" No. It doesn't. I feel terrible. I know it is good for me and I know I should continue doing it, but every morning this logic begins to lose edge in the fierce argument between brain and body. My brain has enough trouble waking up my body without it realizing I am going to torture it for an hour. I have already forsaken breakfast for the extra ten minutes of sleep. My stomach gave up this battle ages ago, when my body came up with the point that just because I miss this meal doesn't mean I'll never eat again. An earlier and possibly larger lunch takes no more time from my day, and this frees up that glorious ten minutes which can used for the all - important act of sleep. Still, as of late, my brain's decision that I a.m. out of shape has taken the upper hand. I accept that, at least temporarily, but I will bitch and moan about it every second of the day if I feel the need. I will not be a happy camper at 7 am in the fitness center. I will not smile. Instead, I will blame my work out partner for all my pain and suffering. I don't believe that even one person is honest with themselves if they say it feels good to push your body until you physically can't continue. They may believe they enjoy it, in which case I pity them and their self - induced brainwashing, but that doesn't make it true. This bizarre race of `workout' people has told me it might hurt at times but later you'll feel good. Unfortunately, later I will be working out again. To enjoy my new - found health I will need a break, a period of relaxation. However this will only succeed in making my next workout worse. So I guess, in effect, I am working out for the future. Someday, when my body decides that enough is enough I will stop working out. For two days, I will finally feel fit and healthy. Two measly days. Maybe less. Then, once again, I will be out of shape. Once again, the majority of my exercise will occur from walking to and from my car and from walking up the stairs to my cubicle. Once again, I will laugh at the people getting up early or coming home late so that they can exercise. Once again, I will begin to feel that perhaps I too should work out so that I can feel better about myself. The cycle will begin anew. I only hope my brain can continue winning this argument against my body for a while. At least until my membership to the fitness center runs out. |
