Spite presents:

No Doubt About It Red Sox:
This Is Their Year
(1999 edition)

by Will Hines, Kevin Hines and Greg Lancaster

(Don't forget to see
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2004 edition - CALLED IT!
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2003 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2002 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2001 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2000 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 1998 edition.)

This year, we mean it. The fans and sportswriters wrote them off all winter, but the Red Sox stormed through the season to earn their second playoff spot in as many years. Now they are poised to make history and win the 1999 World Series.

As you may know, the Red Sox have not won a World Series since 1918. Many baseball fans attribute this to the "Curse of the Bambino", a punishment for the Sox since they were stupid enough to trade Babe Ruth to the Yankees in 1920. But when you look at the facts it's clear that this curse, if it ever indeed existed, is over and that the Red Sox will win it all in 1999.

How, you ask? For the sake of these misguided baseball fans who believe otherwise, Spite writers Greg Lancaster, Kevin Hines and Will Hines offer some indisputable evidence as to Boston's success this October.

  1. 1918 was the last title; take the 1 and the 8 and add them up to get 9. Add another 9 to that and the 19 and you get 1999. Do we have to spell it out for you? A lot has changed, but simple math reveals that 1999 will be another 1918, baseball-wise.

  2. Prince was thinking the Sox would win when he wrote that song (that's why he wants to party like it's...) You probably didn't know that Prince even liked baseball, much less the Red Sox. But if listen closely, you can just sort of tell that his line "party over with, out of time" is referring to the end of the Red Sox post season losing streak.

  3. Y2K. With all the confusion, the Sox will win. Will the year 2000 glitch really throw the civilized world into disarray? Boston, which has a lot more high technology industries than other cities, has the problem well in hand. Boston players know this and are relaxed. Other teams, jittery with the idea of their banks closing down on New Year's Eve, will be off of their game.

  4. Ally McBeal beat Friends: The Boston-based TV show Ally McBeal once again stole Emmy awards from the New York City-based Friends. It's a clear omen than Boston is dominant over New York for 1999, and that Boston will trounce both the Yankees and if necessary the Mets to be champions of baseball.

  5. Pedro Martinez: Everyone knows that Boston's ace pitcher Pedro Martinez is the best in baseball. But everone also says that he can't win the postseason by himself. Oh no?

So there you have it. You probably think it's silly that you ever thought any other team might win. Don't be too hard on yourself. The Sox work in mysterious ways, and sometimes it takes a more experienced eye to see these subtle clues as to who the truly dominant team is.

Will, Kevin and Greg are life-long Red Sox fans. Greg also thinks the Celtics will win the NBA championship next year, but that's another story.

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