Whole Lotta Hootie

The methodology utilized for these reviews is based upon one overarching principle: most album reviews suck. As a matter of fact, most music sucks too. My intention is to offer an alternative to the more mainstream opinions found in such established behemoths as Rolling Stone and Spin. Rather than give a big-money corporate review usually based on the number of units sold and direct proximity to anyone and anything from the '60's, I intend to use a different brand of 5-star rankings (which, by the way, does not stipulate an automatic 5-stars for Neil Young). Why such a distasteful view of music in general? One word: Hootie. Where are all of our beautiful losers? When will fire once again part the stormy sea of swirling mediocrity?

	Van Halen - Best Of Volume 1 Listening to this is like being forced to watch Rocky 6.
	Counting Crows - Recovering the Satellites "Waaaahhh....please love me."
	The Artist Formerly Known as Prince - Emancipation Let me suggest a new symbol to represent this artist:
	Smashing Pumpkins - The Aeroplane Flies High What kind of self-righteous pomposity possesses someone to issue a 5 CD album? Actually, pretty cool.
	Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar This is what happens when you've seen one too many Kiss concerts.
	Bush - Razorblade Suitcase Hey, Gavin. You're not that pretty.

Oh, and while we're at it:

Elvis: Overrated, fat slob.

Beatles: Underachievers.

Rolling Stones: Should've stuck to being a bar band. And Honky Tonk Woman sucks.

The Blues: Weak, pathetic genre.

Five-Star Rating System:

= Impossible. No album is ever this good.
= Nirvana.

I'm still working on the other three.

Yeah, whatever. Who needs record reviews? I'll see you a little later.

Stadley Rough is a tenured part-time professor of paranormal psychosis at Oxford University.